I'm sitting here reading these responses and then I start to read the newspaper, 20 years old, beautiful model Ruslana Korshunova jumped to her death.. committed suicide. The girl had money, fame, looks... and still couldn't find a reason to live? This girl would have turned 21 tomorrow but I guess whatever demons plagued her weren't worth talking about it.
It made me think about a lot of things. It made me think about the fact that I choose to live. I choose to be here for my so many reasons. I choose to be here for my girls and for me. I choose to write and write and write. Not for recognition but for therapy. Life is unpredictable but I can say there has never been a time when I decided to kill myself. If I weren't a Christian my thought pattern would have been completely different. I was raised to believe that if you killed yourself that was the ultimate sin and you would never get into Heaven. Well, I feared going to hell more than anything. I used to hear the stories about fire and brimstone... used to think to myself what kind of God allows his own children to burn in hell...
The only thing that changed my thought pattern was watching the green mile and then I'd think to myself who the hell wants to spend eternity here? watching everyone die? I used to think that there has to be more to life than what I had.
I know that I'm a mess, but I'm a mess in progress...
